Being a mom is hard work. Parenting small children is always an adventure in disciplining, leading, correcting and teaching. I am always adjusting and trying new things to help encourage positive behavior with my boys.
I want to share with you our current behavior management system. We have been doing the marble system for a few weeks now and it has been going well. I used this a few times when I was a classroom teacher… and decided to pull this method out of my dusty teachers brain to use with my children. It is working! For us.
How does the marble behavior management system work?
Each time you notice your child make a POSITIVE choice, you acknowledge and reward him by having him add a marble to his jar.
Each time you notice your child make a POOR choice, you acknowledge the choice by having him remove a marble from his jar.
The kicker with this behavior management system (as with all systems) is consistency. You must be consistent with your rewards and punishments.
Supplies needed
Marbles
A Jar (or something to put the earned marbles in)
Consistency from the parent in charge
What are marble worthy actions?
Each family will have their own actions that they deem marble worthy. In our family, below are a few examples of how my children can earn and lose marbles.
Ways to Earn Marbles
Saying Yes Ma’am or Yes Sir
Using their manners (please, thank you, you are welcome, excuse me)
Listening and acting the first time being asked.
Doing their chores.
Kind words.
Over all, generally smart choices that are caught when they are not expecting others to see.
Ways to Lose Marbles
Yelling. Fighting. Arguing. Disrespect. Defiance.
Ugly words. Bad words. Hateful and hurtful words.
Having to be asked multiple times.
Hurting their brother.
Overall, general poor choices fall in this category.
What happens when their jar is full?
The boys and I have worked out an agreement that when their jar is full, they will get $5. This is a great motivator because they are already deciding what treasure they will purchase with their big money. Having a goal for their hard work is a great motivator (for my boys) to fill their jars and not lose any marbles.
We have been using this behavior management system for a few weeks. The boys are very receptive and eager to earn (and not lose) their marbles. When in public or even at home, when a poor choice is noticed, I just need to simply say marble… and I have their attention quickly. They understand. They usually quickly adjust their behavior.
As with all things in life, and most definitely in parenting, consistency is key. I am not perfect as a mom, and often I feel that need a marble jar too to keep me accountable for my own actions. I find that rewarding my children for their positive choices (instead of only focusing on their poor choices) is a great method. It works for us.
Abby @ BackAtSquareZero says
I did this in my classroom my first few years teaching:)
Rachel says
Yes. I have used SO many different techniques teaching (before kids) too… and I finally had to whip this one out. I found myself ONLY catching the POOR choices and NOT the POSITIVE. 🙂
Rebecca Jo says
What a great idea. I think anything visual for kids is a great way to do things.
Rachel says
Thank you Rebecca! 🙂
Camille says
My 3rd grade teacher did the marble system, too, and we loved it. Taking it back to this basic level of reward, I’m putting a smiley face on the calendar for each day I remember to drink all my water. haha.
Stickers on a calendar was going to be my suggestion (since I don’t have kids) but I think the marbles are more fun and I love that you have them add and remove the marbles themselves so they can link the event to something that is within their control.
Rachel says
Yes! i TOO (personally) am a HUGE motivator by positive rewards. 🙂 I love your sticker on the calendar system! 🙂 I can totally see myself doing that too!
Lisa Johnston says
This is a great idea! Our only behavior management system revolves around the use or nonuse of the xBox! I guess we should have a little better strategy! 🙂
Rachel says
haha! I totally understand. My boys LOVE playing the Wii and Xbox… but (my boys) always end up fighting/arguing. SO… oftentimes we need to come up with a different game plan on how to EARN media time. SIgh…
Not So Average Mama says
Great idea! My girls are 8,10 and 16….so we usually just remind them that bad behavior loses a privilege. That could be no tv, no skating, etc.
Pavement Runner (@PavementRunner) says
I love it… what happens when the jar is empty and they do something… oops, did I just assume that my kid’s jar would be empty.
You’re giving away $5. I want a jar. How about this:
“Greetings Rachel. Yes Ma’am I would love to help you out today. Thank you for allowing me to be your assistant. I also picked up my running clothes and started laundry, you are welcome. Excuse me, but would it be ok if I complimented you on your outfit today? It is very pretty if I do say so myself”
Is my jar full?
Rachel says
Haha. Yes. There have been days (or rather bedtime routines when they have had their jar EMPTIED! for lack of cooperation and their choices). It is a bummer when that happens. 🙂
And yes… your flattery dear Pavey, would earn you a handful of marbles in your jar. You would be well on your way to earning a free coffee! 🙂
Daisy says
This is a great idea. I’ll have to try it with my son.
LyndaS says
Parenting IS very hard. That’s a nice set-up to help teach right and wrong.
Laura @ Mommy Run Fast says
I love this idea, Rachel! We try to catch and acknowledge all the good things, too, but marbles make it so much more tangible for the child to understand. Thanks for sharing!
Rachel says
Yes. I agree. This method seems to be working the BEST with my boys… they do NOT like having to take a marble out of their jar and are eager to put one in 🙂
Sara P. (@SensiblySara) says
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this system! I am going to give it a try with my boys! (Do you think it’ll work with a kitten, too?! 😉 )
Rachel says
Haha! I can’t say how it would work for the kitten… but I think your boys will enjoy it!
Melissa says
This is REALLY awesome. I need to try this with my son.
Audrey at Barking Mad! says
I think this is a GREAT system, and one where the kids can see a very real, very physical manifestation of the consequences, both good and bad, of their behavior!
Broni says
Great idea Rachel! May just have to try this with the girls:)
Robyn says
I’m loving this idea! Sounds like something my hubby and I have been looking for. I think we will try it!
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting says
I love this so so much!!!
Crystal Green says
I’m going to have to get a jar and some marbles and give this a run for the money. I need to try something. My kids are being a total handful lately.
Kimberly Grabinski says
We have tried a bunch of these types of things and we run into problems with the parental consistency LOL.
Sarah @ Must Have Mom says
Nice! I absolutely love this idea. Seems quite effective too.
Nicole Brady says
What a cool reward system. I love that you teach your kids “yes sir” and “yes ma’am”. It is such a minor thing but goes a long way for someone’s entire life.
Liz Mays says
I haven’t tried this but I can see how it would be effective, especially since it’s so visual.
Marisa says
This is a great idea! I did something similar with my students when I was teaching. They were always motivated to fill up the jar!
Robin {Mom Foodie} says
If it could only be so easy at my house. My daughter’s autism throws a monkey wrench in.
olivia says
Rachel, my son has ADHD and very prone to impulsive behaviour and outbursts. If i remove his marbles he then has the attitude that he isn’t going to bother being polite or doing his chores as he knows he cant ever get enough marbles! Reward systems for my adhd child are only used for 3 days as he loses motivation so surely removing marbles is setting certain children up to fail before they have started???
Rachel says
Hi Olivia. I understand. My children have had outbursts over pulled marbles. As the mom, YOU know your child and what he is capable of. If you find that filling a marble jar too daunting for him because he feels that he will never fill it. Find something smaller. Aim for 5 marbles a day (or something).
My mother-in-law shared a technique she used on my BIL when he was younger. She would give him 20 nickles in the morning. If he made a poor choice, he would have to ‘pay’ her for his behavior. At the end of the day, if there were coins left. He kept them. If there were no coins left. That was a bummer.
Heather says
Looking for a way to discipline my children in front of a grandparent that always jumps in to undermine my efforts. Just saying ‘marble’ quietly might work! Thanks for sharing what looks like a great system.
Amanda says
Any tips for children who think it’s fun to move marbles from one jar to another? I have them up on a higher shelf, but they seem to find a way…My girls are 9 and 6, and little guy is 5. One of the girls, takes marbles out of their brother’s jar and splits them between the girls…short of tally marks all the time, I’m out of ideas…
Rachel says
Hugs. My boys started doing that too recently. I know it is frustrating. The only idea that I have thought of (yet haven’t done yet) is to assign each child their own color marble.
Terra says
I am looking at starting something like this for my 4 year old – wondering, though, what do you do when you are out in public? I can see myself forgetting to add/take away when we get home and that seems to take away from the necessity of the immediate response…?
Rachel says
Great question… and one that I really don’t have the answer to. You could always do the “delayed consequence” and have him think about his choices until you get home.
OR you could modify while on the go with a sticker chart…